Should I Seek Help?
As I mentioned in the previous blog post Is My Grief Normal?, we don’t always know what is normal when grieving. Usually, we aren’t showing our internal selves to the external world (which is often essential to protect ourselves). However, as a result we can become stuck and suffer unnecessarily and in isolation.
People who have experienced a loss sometimes ask “when should I seek help?”
But more often, I see people suffering who are actively trying NOT to seek help (I became one of those people). We are trying to convince ourselves that we are “okay” and don’t need the extra support.
My experience went something like this:
I was experiencing an extreme amount of anxiety and couldn’t sleep after my subsequent child was born.
I told this to my OB, who prescribed me with a low dose of an SSRI.
My anxiety persisted - and I felt guilty for taking medication while breastfeeding, so I stopped taking the medication.
Once I stopped breastfeeding, I sought out a psychiatrist, started medication again, continued to increase my dosage - anxiety still persisted. Eventually, I stopped taking the medication because it wasn’t helping.
Saw a few therapists along the way.
Started acupuncture, which slightly reduced the constant feeling of panic.
After 10 years of having constant anxiety and not sleeping through the night, I finally found a reproductive psychiatrist who was able to help me manage my symptoms. (translate: I could breathe normally and not feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest)
Being on the right medication allowed me to be in an emotional and physical space where I could tackle other issues with a therapist (which I couldn’t do while I was in survival and panic mode).
Learned I had undiagnosed postpartum PTSD.
Was able to reduce the number and dosage of medications over time.
Found a great therapist and still see her weekly.
My lessons are:
Everyone who has experienced the unexpected or tragic death of a loved one will benefit from talking to someone who can act as a guide or mentor. You do not need to navigate this journey alone.
Be open to new and a combination of healing modalities. (EMDR, acupuncture, medication, etc.)
Just because you are doing something right now (like taking medication) doesn't mean you will have to do this forever.
If you don’t find the right match of a provider on the first time, try again (it’s kind of like dating)
Visit the Return to Zero: HOPE online support directory to find providers and support groups specific to perinatal loss.