Autism, Pregnancy Loss, and Grief

For those who know me, I appear stoic and don’t usually express emotions outwardly (which I can now attribute to alexithymia). My internal experience, however, is completely different, as I am highly empathetic and feel deeply. I became curious to understand how my response to my stillbirth could be viewed through an autism lens.

From the time that I found out Norbert’s heart had stopped beating and through the birthing process, I became suddenly overwhelmed and unable to process anything. This sensory processing failure led to shutdown. I was in shock, numb, and dissociated. I did not cry. I also judged myself because I did not grieve in the “expected” way.

It’s important for us to understand that the appearance and needs of Autistic people differ from the typical grieving person.

In a split second, I experienced the loss of my assumptive world. I needed facts, information, a plan, guidance (from providers), which I did not receive. With this tremendous uncertainty, my fear and anxiety skyrocketed. With Return to Zero: HOPE, I created what was missing in my own life experiences surrounding the stillbirth of my son in order to help other people navigating this experience. 

On the Divergent Conversations Episode 22, Dr. Kiley talks about autism, grief, and pregnancy loss.