After someone dies, our experience with grief can be very internal. Unless we are talking to a therapist or spiritual leader, we usually aren’t discussing our thoughts and feelings with most people. I think this is partially due to the fact that our society is very uncomfortable with death.

We fear death, have labeled it as a taboo subject, and lack rituals associated with it. When it happens, we who are left behind are isolated, lacking guidance and support.

So how do we know what we are experiencing is normal? 

Grief is individual, so don’t compare yourself with someone else.

Here is a snapshot of common grief reactions, but I encourage you to visit Return to Zero: HOPE for a more comprehensive list.

PHYSICAL : Tightness in chest, heart palpitations, exhaustion, headaches, dizziness, and insomnia.

EMOTIONAL: Shock, numbness, sadness, anxiety, fear, and loss of ability for pleasure.

COGNITIVE: Disbelief, confusion, inability to concentrate, and preoccupation with thoughts or images of the deceased.

BEHAVIORAL: Impaired work performance, crying, withdrawal, avoiding reminders of the deceased, and changed relationships.

That said, I also must add a couple situations that can complicate grief:

• If someone died through a tragic accident or it was an out-of-order death (not your older grandparent dying), there may be post-traumatic stress symptoms (PTSD is not only for war veterans). Read more about navigating trauma after loss here.

• If a birth mother experiences the death of her baby, it is important to pay attention to dramatic hormonal changes that can lead to various perinatal mood disorders.